The Horrors of Public Speaking

For all of my life, I have had a horrible fear of public speaking. During speeches, I find myself hyperventilating in the back as I wait for my turn. Unfortunately, when I get up for my actual speech, I stumble over words and my temperature rises to insane degrees. At the beginning of senior year, I found similarities in discussions in AP English and formal speeches. I became hesitant of speaking for the first couple weeks. Unfortunately, this reluctance to speak proved itself detrimental to my grade and my ability to outgrow this fear. Gradually, I have become more open in my speaking abilities during class. I have found comfort in our informal setting. I believe this new found ability sprouts from my increased knowledge and a new confidence in my thoughts. I feel obligated to spread my ideas and participate in discussion. Moving forward, I feel that my openess to share ideas will help me in real life. During college next year, I may take up a leadership position in a sororiety or club. In these positions I can prove myself by spreading my ideas for the group and controlling the situation with my confidence in speaking. In the work field, I will be able to communicate with my peers and promote my own opinions into the company I work for. AP English has once again improved my learning and ability to communicate with others.

Not So Fast...

In my impatient frenzy while driving home from school today, something happened that made me reflect on life and our novel. In my previous post, I discussed how our classes seemed to attack the substitute teacher after the different structure of our class last Friday. As I pulled out of the school, I recognized our substitute teacher as the driver of the car in front of me. I, already late for work, continued to become aggravated as he kindly let every car pass him in the parking lot. In my mind, I could only think of how much frustration he has built between me and my fellow classmates the past few days. We continued down East Washington at a slow pace due to the annoying traffic lined up through the street. I waited, waited, and waited till the cars would plow their way through and a clear road would finally appear for me to speed on. Then it happened. Mr. Moor ran into the car in front of him. I would not have even noticed except he courageously got out of his car and talked with the owner of the hit car to clear the issue and take full responsibility for his actions. I could not help but smile at the benevolent nature of this man. He could have easily drove away and avoided the bill and embarrassment of the accident.
This event made me realize how one bad impression can overwhelm ones' ability to see the good in others. McMurphy, for instance, becomes a victim in our novel as the Big Nurse persuades everyone that he selfishly acts against them. Due to her unfair judgments, the whole crew begins to question him and attack him for his ability to win some money. However, most of his intentions for his actions were a result of his caring nature toward the patients. Back to the substitute, we were easy to judge him for his lack of knowledge in English. We automatically assosiated him with frustration and stupidity, rather than seeing the good in his personality. I feel people need to work on not being too quick to judge. One should not judge another from the words of others and make their own judgments off of the interactions they personally have with an individual.

Think Like a Wiseman

During class today, I noticed the quote on the board by W. B. Yeats saying, "Think like a wiseman, but communicate in the language of the people." At the beginning of class, we discussed how we have become insensitive to others who lack certain English abilities we have accumulated in AP English. Not only in English, but I have found that individuals from priveledged schools have neglected to recognize the fortune of having a strong educational school system. I feel that this quote symbolizes how individuals must not advertise their magnitude of knowledge, but reach out to others by communicating on an understandable level and furthermore, help others to become wiser. This quote reminded me of the substitute teacher we had on Friday. While Ms. Serensky told us her reactions to our treatment toward the substitute, I felt ashamed for not respecting his eagerness to learn and our inability to recognize how we could utilize our knowledge to teach another. In retrospect, knowledge travels in a cicrle. If individuals refuse to return to the basics and communicate in the language of the people ( the substitute), we deprive individuals from our knowledge. Like Ms. Serensky stated during class, we must perform then go home. Our confident attitudes in no way enrich the knowledge of others. Therefore, we must recognize that we should not continue to show off our wisdom outside of English class.  In the language of the people, Ms. Serensky has taught me to "think" rather than speak "like a wiseman".

Which Do You Prefer?

Considering I have commons after my English period, I find that my table regularly discusses aspects of English class. Amoung these discussions, we have debates over which book we prefer, The Namesake or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. While many swayed toward The Namesake as a more enjoyable read, I have found that One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest has been more intriguing and entertaining for me. Similar to The Namesake, this novel creates many complex stories that connect to the main character of the novel. However, with a first-person narration, I desire to hear the thoughts of other characters other than Chief Bromden resulting in a much more intriguing story line. I feel that throughout the novel, I have questioned reality and the accuracy of the narrators thoughts. The input of the character McMurphy has intensified the tension within the hospital. His unpredictable attitude leaves me wondering the events yet to come and suprised after every action he makes. After the previous uprising against the Nurse, I have continually hoped for another outbreak to bring her down completely. Ken Kesey's timeline of events throughout the novel has added suspense as the Nurse slowly loses then  regains her power. Unlike The Namesake, I find myself enjoying the book even more after every eventful and suspenseful chapter.

Spice It Up!

As we continue to progress in our current novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, I find myself questioning my own insanity. What makes an individual truely insane? For the past couple of weeks, our blogs have been filled with numerous posts about our obsession with AP English. We all strive for perfection and dedicate most of our day to depicting the little details out of one book. Many may argue that these characteristics, in a way, reflect an insane person. Outside of AP English, I have found that we all have our little corks that define ourselves in unique ways, but raise the question of our sanity. For instance, the other night during a senior band "get together," Tina began quickly swallowing strawberries whole and in a matter of seconds she had reached double digits. The reason behind this peculiar action? I cannot say. I recall everyone staring in awe and wondering why anyone in their right mind would risk choking to death in exchange for the "cool feeling" Tina claimed to have come from this. Would this make Tina insane? I reflect on this memory with only content. Yes, Tina, along with myself and my other friends, have times when we act "insanely". However, these moments define our personality and, in reality, allow us to enjoy ourselves from the stupidity of our actions. I feel that everyone needs a little dose of insanity to spice up their lives and enjoy living an "insane" lifestyle.

Blah, Blah, Blah

After our discussion Friday about a character's inability to speak and hear, I reflected on how much I take advantage of these skills. Talking, not as necessary in today's technology filled society, allows individuals to easily communicate with each other. Cell phone companies have estimated that the average individual spends 1440 minutes on their phone daily. Many use a portion of this time to physically speak with another individual listening on the other end. The ability to speak acts as an essetial part of everyday life and I never realized the great importance it has toward living my life. For instance, everyday in English, we have discussions on our opinions on books. In order to clearly recognize the emotions we feel toward characters and situations, we must voice our opinion in ways that express how we feel about the text. I have noticed that different tones and voice inflections reflect anger or other emotions. The inability to speak reminds me of a game I used to play during my childhood years. My parents would tell me and my sister that whoever could refrain from speaking the longest would win a prize. Unfortunately, I always seemed to speak right after the game began. Now, looking back on these memories, I realize two things. One, my parents did not enjoy listening to me and my sister speak. Two, I would suffer greatly without verbal communication. Sound plays an enormous part in my lifestyle.

Ridiculous

It may sound strange, but I cannot fully remember anything today except for the moment after the English essay. I walked into Calculus today and immediately, I could feel the stress radiating off of all of the AP English students. As I began to gain some of these uncomfortable feelings within myself, I pondered on why we all seemed to feel the heaviest weight on our shoulders. Only one word came to my mind. Essay. I continued to unconsciously listen to Mr. Maas's lecture on sequences, but found my mind to be wondering elsewhere. My eyes fell upon that huge stack of papers. These paper just sat waiting, and waiting for me to memorize all contents of it's pages. I continued my day in complete frustration. At times when you need to remember the most you can, everything seems to become lost and forgotten. By fifth period, I continued to stare at the endless stack of papers hoping that everything would go smoothly during english class the next period. Now, looking back on my stressful day, I realize the ridiculousness of my worries. I wasted a whole day stressing for an assignment that lasted about forty minutes. In the long run, everything ends up okay. I have come to realize that I waste more time stressing then actually focusing and getting my work done. I can only hope that next essay, I will have the same attitude as I do at this moment. It could save me alot of time.

Expectations

After watching the movie in English these past couple of days, I have thought about the expectations people have for each other. In the movie, the character Moushumi surprised the whole crowd as she appeared far more rebellious than expected. From the text we read, I had imagined an innocent, grieving woman and foreshadowed only a slight change in appearance between her childhood and adult years. However, as you all know, Moushumi came out with a much more confident and striking appearance. This makes me wonder how others expect me to appear from just descriptions of my character. There have been multiple times when I have met someone and realize the complete misjudgment I had of them. Ironically, I seem to forget my assumed images of the person and only see them as they first appear. I would not be surprised if others have found the same thing to occur when meeting me. This proves that one should not make assumptions before they witness first hand. Many times, one can meet a complete surprise.

Blogger: The New Facebook?

Upon walking into the learning center during commons, I found the majority of my English class intensely focused on a certain website. Since we have been assigned to blog about our experiences in English class, most of us have become obsessed with blogging. Similar to facebook's status updates, we find ourselves sneaking off to the library to share our numerous opinions about English. When I first learned of this project, I feared I would not enjoy continuing English discussions after class everyday. However, I find amusement in designing my blog and reading the humorous entries other students post. Instead of ignoring my homework with Facebook for ridiculous amounts of time, I open up blogger. Here, we compete with our classmates on who can create the most entertaining page. Ms. Serensky even admits that she would much rather eye our websites than read through the juniors' papers. However, this statement leads me to a very disturbing question. Is Blogger the new Facebook? If so, AP English 12 officially has taken over our lives.

Yummy!

Today's discussion brought about the topic of Thanksgiving. Although many would argue against this holiday because of the stomach pains on the day after, I find Thanksgiving as a highlight of my year. First of all, I enjoy the five day weekend we have in celebration of this event. By the second quarter, I need this break to maintain my sanity. Thanksgiving, for me, contists of lots of food and spending time with the family. The day before this holiday, I cook and prepare for the next day's feast. However, the real festivities do not begin until I have a plateful of food on that thursday evening. It may sound pathetic, but I look forward to this meal all year. Food serves as a comfort in my busy life. Food can only bring light to my day because of it's amazing taste and tendency to never let me down. If I could depend on all aspects of life this strongly, challenges would rarely arise. However, I celebrate stress free on Thanksgiving because it connects the things that I love in my life. Thanksgiving encourages me to appreciate the importance of family and the ability to share an amazing meal together on this holiday.

Flowing with Frustration

After today's discussion of Chapter 10, I felt we had only a brief discussion on our views of Gogol. I felt particularly frustrated in this reading section because of Gogol's unawareness to his wife's sneaky actions. Continually throughout the novel, I have viewed Gogol as a foolish and childish individual. Gogol continues to latch himself on to people. I feel that this dependence results from his continuous battle to escape his own unenjoyable lifestyle. As a result, Gogol finds himself too trusting of others. After Moushumi continually cheats on Gogol, he "suspects nothing. As usual they have dinner, talk of their days" (264). This quote specifically elevated my frustration with Gogol. I cannot fathom how Gogol cannot recognize the conflict in his marriage. His need to attach to others becomes problematic as Gogol's trusting nature remains unaware of his wife's unloyalty. I understand how Moushumi's sneaky nature and Gogol's busy schedule could hinder the clues about her affair. However, in previous chapters, Gogol seemed to adore spending time with his wife. I assume Gogol would continue this admiration throughout this chapter as well. Therefore, I find myself becoming frustrated with Gogol's cluelessness. I believe a relationship should base itself off of trust and effort. This couple seems to lack both of these aspects. I hope Gogol will eventually become an independent individual and recognize the faults in his marriage.

A Special Bond...Sometimes

During Chapter 9, the narrator drew my attention to the parent's marriage more in this chapter than any other part in the novel. The narrator discusses how Gogol "thinks of his parents, strangers until this moment, two people who had not spoken until after they were actually wed" (222). Throughout the beginning of the novel, the fact that the parents had an arranged marriage had not affected me. However, after reading these reflections, I started to imagine myself in a similar situation. I believe I would not allow my parents to overtake and decide major aspects of my life. Marriage should sprout from true love between a couple. In Gogol's parents situation, I feel marriage displays itself more as a business transaction than a bond between two individuals. In a larger sense, I now recoginize the benefits of the freedoms given to Americans. American, unlike other cultures, remain free to choose their own pathways in life. Unfortunately, the Bengali culture pushes individuals to marry within their people. Although I would not agree with their decision, I do respect the parents for following their Bengali culture and honoring their parents wishes without argument. If only American teenagers reflected this same obedient nature.